Un Deux Trois… (Cat Sank…meow!)

OK OK .. it may be close to full moon but I can assure you Ms Pomme Anglaise has not gone totally looney tunes. 

Today I had a wee epiphany (if epiphanies can be small).  As my lovely Condor Italia RC (in beautiful Pearl E White) continued to give me a little grief in changing from (what I technically call) ‘little cog to big cog where the pedal thingies are at the front’ , I took her back to the shop to see if they could help.  The issue from my perspective was the movement I had to make with my left hand to shift the beautifully Italian crafted Campagnolo Veloce gear leaver to move from one cog to the other. .. in short, my little fingers did not seem to want to stretch the virtual 90 degree angle I needed to sweep the lever across to get to that big cog (and hence have the ability to speed off at those all-important traffic lights etc.).

So, off went ‘Pearl E’ to the mechanic and, very soon afterwards, Julian (my new best friend at Condor!) came back with an update for me.  As it transpires, the left hand lever did not have to be pushed the whole 90 degrees in one fell swoop, I could move to the big cog by clicking the lever not once, not twice, but three times in much smaller movements!  This was great news .. so I rode home this afternoon, with ‘un deux trois’ going through my head, the gears shifting easily, my little hands being happy that they are not being stretched to breaking point.  And hopefully the cat will not sink …   that’s all folks (well, for today anyway!)…

Shoes glorious shoes ... we're anxious to try them

Yes dear reader it is finally time to move to the next level of cycling ... real cycling shoes that clip you into the pedals. These let you pull as well as push and in theory should result in a 25 - 30% gain in power, efficiency, general well being, and, improve your chance of a lottery win!  This all hinges on it becoming second nature to be able to "unclip" your shoe from the peddle to be able to put your foot down on the road in both planned and unplanned stopping manoeuvres. 

It is very important that the shoes are equally as stylish as the rest of the cycling wear, so as not to wreck the overall "sad git" image we have been building to-date.  The choice of shoes for women was proving to be a tad disappointing as my search had so far turned up models in either white (will get dirty) or Barbie pink and blue (better suited to Paris Hilton day wear).  And then .... I found these.  Are these sexy shoes or what - the cycle shoes are the ones on the right of the picture.

Everyone has said that with cleats you will fall off sooner or later - great .. looking forward to that NOT. Apparently it even happens to very experienced cyclists.  In fact, a very experienced cyclist I know recently found herself upside down in a deep ditch on the side of a country road with the bike on top of her and both feet still cleated into the peddles. It took about 20 minutes to free herself as she lay in the ditch with her dogs staring down at her and not a car in sight. More on our adventures into the joys of learning to use the new shoes and cleats later.

Farcical … is that really a long bicycle ride ..?

Today, after a whole days rain with zero let up, I decided to get my lovingly loaned Munoura ‘Hypermag’ set-up in the lounge (thank you Uncle John for the loan!).  For those of you not acquainted with the joys of cycle training devices, the Hypermag ‘has been developed as the most silent indoor bicycle trainer in the world with adopting Minoura’s special technical knowledge for over 12 years such as thicker plastic material, alloy die-casting outer case and high-level machined unique full-circle magnet’ (yes, this is lifted straight from the poorly translated instruction manual from Japan). 

Choosing a day when my partner was away (as the only place to install said machine was in the lounge by the dining table – hence making the dining experience in the house with more than 2 of us a little intimate (unless you have a ‘thing’ about bicycle trainers)), I decided to install my old Trek mountain bike on the trainer so I had something to train on on days like today when the weather was really too bad to go ‘proper’ road cycling (ie. 10% possibility of rain upwards ..) and leaving my beautiful ‘Pearly E White’ Condor Italia for those fair weathered rides…

What looked like a simple installation turned out to be very challenging, to put it mildly.    Despite my Master’s Degree (OK OK in computing .. which proved to be useless when it came to cycle trainers) and a detailed diagram of how to assemble the trainer, the combination of the M6 bolt, Knob bolt, flat washer, hub clamping handle, load level adjusting dial, drive roller, flywheel, U-leg etc etc ..got me very perplexed.  I got to a stage where I was questioning if I had the thing turned around the right way to start with, whether it should actually be attached to the front wheel and not the back and whether it should actually be hung from the ceiling.  After a few hours of deliberation I did manage to work 80% of it out (without phoning my Uncle which was going to be the last resort as I can hear him chuckle now!) and installed the bike on the training machine.  By this time my partner had arrived home and I assured her that this was ‘the most silent indoor bicycle trainer in the world’ (blah blah from the manual) and she would not even notice it was there.  To reassure her I sat on the bike and proceeded to peddle and the noise .. well, it made my very old washing machine sound like the hum of butterflies wings.   I think the neighbours started banging on the wall ..  I then realised that the machine was not adjusted properly. 

Now I have sorted it out, although we cannot invite anyone around to eat at the table, all is well.. and the hot dinner plates, now on our laps at night in lieu of the table, have – as I said to my partner – actually helped save us on our heating bills.  Every cloud and all that ….. 

The cold toes are yet to be sorted!

So it's funny how you end up cycling along and writing the blog in your head! Today it was so grey and wintry and COLD, that I thought I was going to write about how my new silk balaclava, sock liners and glove liners saved the day and really made the difference between enjoying a 30-mile ride or not. But in the end, I'm going to write about how the balaclava and glove liners were brilliant, but the poor sock liners just didn't cope with the COLD! My toes and feet were frozen for 30 miles, that is NO FUN. However I have a plan - devised as I thawed out in my hot bath with epsom salts to detox my muscles. The plan consists of extra thick socks and I'm going to try my neoprene waterproof booties to see if they cut the wind-chill factor.


Anyway, the Sustrans National Cycle Route 12 took me as far as Hatfield today. Here's the proof, and the clever gateway they have used to get your bike through:

I am very grateful to Sustrans for having sorted out this route, it's nice to have some time off the road, and going through woods. 

Next weekend the bike and I will go a little further along this route and see where we get to.

And thank you SO MUCH to all those wonderful people who have donated and got me to the target amount so I can go on the ride to Paris on the arranged date - THANK YOU ALL !!!

Happy Cycling!

Tulip xx

What do you for punctures then ...???

... well in the words of Tina, "the famous hedge cyclist" ... "Men - they live for punctures". So we took her advice and decided to find some to show us how to deal with punctures and basic maintenance stuff.  I must say however, that my workmate Brian actually volunteered before I could ask.  I think it was the look of anguish on my face when he said "so do you know how to change a tyre then" that made him take pity on me. We did that thing you do when you are having a maintenance tryst at work .. and went to the car park  ...and got Brian's bike out of his car, plus a spare wheel, and took them into the foyer so the lesson could commence.

Needless to say I learnt a huge amount of the key stuff you need to know from Brian, which was absolutely invaluable.  The most important first step is apparently to stare intensely at the tyre so it knows it needs to change!!! Other helpful hints included Brian trying to blow up my brain by explaining to me gear sets and ratios, and how everything is a calculation based on the size of the Penny Farthing front wheel.

The next night Suzanne and I went to an Evan Cycles maintenance course which we had pre-booked a long time ago. Ryan took us through the basic paces really well with some good tips and all for free!!. The ubiquitous "multi tool" seems to be the perfect advertising vehicle cos every cyclist needs one. We also got to look at and fondle some very nice bikes and see a chain de-greasing device in operation.  I thought it was fabulous!! Then I looked at the bright pink de-greaser stuff you put into it and was reminded of the time Mal's sister Gaylene was working in a restaurant and got the pink floor cleaner mixed up with the raspberry cordial flavouring and 13 people finished up in hospital ... hey why were they all in the same cupboard I ask!!  But I digress .. yes punctures ... DON'T bring em on!!!
Oh and a tip from Brian (so basic when you know it, but really embarrassing when you don't) ... when taking off your pedals, the left pedal has a left hand thread!

When the going gets tough ... keep biking ...

Well, when the going gets tough – the tough go…err … umm .. on holiday?!  OK, I admit it – just as the first couple of weeks of our ‘official’ training programme started for ‘gay Paris’, I (that is Pomme Anglaise – the first of my blogettes) stepped on a plane to the Gambia for 10 days!  Can you blame me?  The cold cold January weather of London, the wind, the rain – all not great incentives for a novice cyclist like me..  so I packed my bags, checked  the hotel website that there was a gym at the hotel (I did – really, truly!) and stepped on the plane.

It was not until day 2 that I remembered to ( … oops!) find the gym.  It was not mentioned at the ‘orientation’ day and, after I managed to find it, I realised why.  To say the place I found was a gym, really needed ones definition of ‘gym’ to be stretched to breaking!  The room – well, corridor - was between ‘massage’ rooms (well, this was the hotel ‘spa’ after all) and was poorly lit (probably to hide the few machines in situ).  Inbetween a treadmill and step machine, there were 2 exercise bikes;  one did not work at all, the one I used, worked sporadically.  It was an old Kettler – similar to the picture. 

I needed to use an old rusty screw to make sure the saddle stayed in place and, to reset the basic computer that was attached to it by what looked like a piece of string, I needed to remove and reinsert the batteries.  However, I did manage to pedal around 10km a day on this contraption and this kept the leg muscles working.

Now I am back in London and back to the wind and rain, the London pedestrians and car drivers with bike myopia, I look back on this old cycle with some degree of nostalgia and wonder who is now adjusting that squeaky rusty screw and wondering how to reset the computer without taking the batteries out (if you are reading this, it is impossible, believe me!)…

Let's start some training then ...

I'd finally downloaded the recommended 16 week training programme from the Skyline website. Using the calculator on my trusty iPhone, I subtracted the number of weeks from today until the ride and went into a mild panic .
There was nothing for it  ... I texted Gill (fellow Kiwifruit) to see if David (her hubby and also fellow kiwifruit) will take me for a serious spin around Richmond Park.  After all it's a cyclist training ground isn't it and I can pick up some tips by just watching them ..right!

Great plan right .. and the day dawned fine and sunny, as have most days in London since about 8 September 2011 (but who's counting, and btw there's nothing wrong with a genetic weather obsession anyway!!). So, we headed off on what was supposed to be a serious workout and it was!! The park was beautiful - covered in the first frost weve seen in London this winter, full of the free ranging deer.  And it was freezing!!!.  My feet were officially frozen part way into our first lap and I looked on with envy as the "real" cyclists went past me wearing scuba diving boot thingies over their shoes ... see comfort and warmth triumphs over style in the "sad git world" everytime.

Did I pick up any tips from observing other cyclists on the ride ... well perhaps if they had gone a little slower when they were overtaking me I might have had a chance, but for now ... no!.  oh except the cornering thing .. but I am not going to tell you that just yet!!

However, we did follow the training programme which recommended rehydration and eating as soon after your ride as you can. We went to a gastropub in Barnes called the Brown Dog. It's a very dog friendly pub that's well rated by the foodie mags.  As we were about to enter David said to me "I am hoping that we won't have a repeat of the projectile vomiting poodle incident we had last time" ...

and now we try and get insurance

Well, like any adventure into insurance land, we always knew this would be fun didn't we!!!  For starters you need a "U" lock that is saw proof, bomb proof and dog pee proof. Naturally, these locks are all tougher than the "immovable object" you must attach it and the bike to via the bike frame - even when indoors ...talk about trust the flatmates or the kids!!  I don't know if you've ever thought of this, but there's not much inside your apartment that qualifies as "immovable" in insurance terms" - suggestions anyone?

All this is of course necessary should any thief get through the Fort Knox approved locks that you naturally must have on every exterior door, especially with your "cost conscious" slum landlord in charge of that department. It's slowly dawning on me why Berbers, Laplanders and other nomadic types don't have bicycles ... well, that and the sand or snow I guess.

This U lock is an ABUS, as is the wheel loop, and they are from Germany, so clearly well designed and will do what it says on the label. The U lock has an electronic lock thingie that glows blue in the dark.

I am sure that will come in handy when we are lost in a forest somewhere on a long ride and need to lock the girls up ...  not that a tree qualifies as an "immovable object" in insurance terms you know!

and now we save our head and our hands

Believe it or not, wearing a helmet while riding a bicycle is NOT compulsory in the UK!!!  Most sensible cyclists (ie the ones in "sad git" fluro gear) do wear helmets ... and gloves.  This one has been pimped up with a bit of attitude - which is why it will have to be replaced soon with something that looks aerodynamic and protects your head.  While of course not making you look like someone who has a very funny shaped head and even funnier hair sticking out at odd angles from underneath it.

Truly sometimes you take your helmet off and wonder who the person with the weird hairdo is that's passing in the shop window, with those with the funny iPhone enabled gloves on.

and more ....

Now that your bike is looking good you have to start thinking about how you look on it and your comfort on that small squitty seat - yes padded undies time!

Remember you've not actually been on the road yet so your chances on being spotted by a "Britains Got Talent" (oxymoron) scout are still alive and kicking, as long as you look the part.
No really ... it quickly becomes apparent that you can't ride around in "trackies and a tee" for various health and safety reasons.  So you give in and start slowly (but picking up pace quickly) converting into the "looking like a sad git in cycling gear" genre cos, cos, well really for your own good & peace of mind

    ... and yes the Sudocrem is part of the deal apparently....

But wait ... there's more ...

oh yes dear reader ... the bike is only the base of what you need. Now you need to buy the stuff that the bike needs (second life anyone??). You just can't take to the streets without the compulsory bicycle accessories, all of which are totally practical of course.

A number of them are even necessary to improve your chances of staying visible to the generally blind pedestrian and vehicle driving public, for whom you are instantly "public enemy no.1".
Some accessories are even more practical, like things to hold your puncture repair kit, which one day soon we'll learn to use.  So here's the starter kit - lights, pump and drink bottles.. oh yeah and the on-board computer providing you with all the vital statistics you need ... isn't it really small!!!

The most important part of the challenge .. new bikes

We have all committed ourselves to the ride from London to Paris, and sealed the deal by spitting on our palms and shaking hands.  Well actually more like clinking our wine glasses together ... Then the thought occurs to us - we can't do this on our current bikes.  A trek mountain bike, a road bike whose twin must still be on the Ark (weren't there 2 of everything on the Ark) and a Boris bike/tank. New bikes were required, and soon!

It was surprising to find that the quoted cost of the bike was actually just the frame and the "finishing kit" included wheels, seat, gear sets, handle bars and peddles.  As the money mounted it up it was tempting to consider just carrying the frame to Paris.

After much looking we chose our steeds - 2 Condor Italias - one in All Black colours, one white in surrender colours, and a Giant in go fast colours. Here's a picture of one of the Condors with her first test riders on board.