The gloves are off …. the shorts are on!

Well, to be specific, the glove (singular) supporting my broken left arm (and poorly wrist) is off for a few hours of the day now, and my padded shorts are on!

                            =

Padding is the word of the moment, I have decided.  As my bike went in for a service a few days ago, I asked them to add some padding to my handlebars to help with the vibrations of the roads – which I hope have less potholes in France than they do in the UK.  And now my handlebars looks like they need to go to Weight Watchers as they are fat and squidgy and, so far, very comfortable!
=

                        

Regarding the shorts, I have decided that layers upon layers are needed to assist in avoidance of chaffing... and this will be assisted with the ever present, Sudocrem!  I invested in some very sexy women’s cycling underwear - with extra padding for those all important parts.  These arrived ready for my little training ride today.    Along with my new compression knee length socks, I decided that, for our dedicated readers, I would share this  vision of me in my newly purchased underwear.  If you want NO MORE (!!) pictures of my underwear (I can hear you all saying 'no more' en masse!) – we need a few more donations to our charity … the clock is ticking as we cycle to France in a couple of days’ time and reveal to the French this wonderful depiction of beautiful British bike fashion..!!

Enjoy!

90 miles is a long way you know

... and if you are from the New World, in real money, it's actually 145 kms ... With Pomme Anglais still all broken and arm in a sling and thus restricted to indoor pedalling, accompanied by indoor moaning of course, it was left to Tulip and I to attempt the "on road" version of a 90 mile ride. Tulip suggested that I stay "at hers" (very Anglais lingo there)on Friday night so we could set out early on Saturday morning. 

I headed off with Lara to the station at around 6pm.When I got to the station I was then told by a man in an ill fitting national rail uniform that I couldn't take "that bike" on any train until after 7pm.  Naturally, I duly ignored him and got on a train.  I got one stop up the line where I had to change and another man in an equally ill fitting national rail uniform told me the same thing and then proceeded to take me hostage by standing next to me for 40 minutes to ensure that I didn't board any train before the magical hour.

The last 2 weeks of such typical spring weather (read monsoon downpour from a clear blue sky) accompanied by an at least 7 degrees celsius drop in temperature, has meant the Pomme Anglais on her indoor machine has ridden much more often and further than Tulip or I have managed .. so it was nervous times.  I will not subject you to a blow by blow of our ride to Cambridge (almost) and back, suffice to say it was a journey of reassurance and we will make it through the first day and we will make the ferry.

We were very lucky with the weather really only getting rained on twice. The biggest hazards were the baby bunnies running in our path on the most gorgeous of country lanes (ohhh noooice..) larks singing, other little birds dipping into our path and flying with us, grouse running alongside us, and field after field of serious hay fever sneezing and eye watering bright yellow canola plants in flower  ... and then there were the bugs!!  I have a honeycomb helmet to stop my gigantic brain from over heating and now I have realised that this means that going into the country means my helmet will become at least a 3 bugs per mile catcher (thank goodness I grew up on a farm!!!).

Oh yeah then there was the 3 mile stretch on a dual carriage way - for New Zealander's read major highway with like 7 lanes, and just as many drivers who couldn't wait a nano second for a cyclist to pass before pulling out!!.

Anyway ... T has a hill scale ... it's called the "B*@$ .." hill scale and it goes from 1 to 5.  Newgate Hill is the first one out and the last one back and it's a triple B ... and we made it!!!  So there .....

... and Mt Everest is a 15 B apparently!!!

The itinerary for the ride ...

It's week 11 of the 16 week training programme and are we panicking ... are we what!!! Never ...just convincing ourselves that a chocolate break would be just the right thing this weekend, especially since a woman from Ghana told me just this very day the secret of how to eat chocolate and not only stay slim but to use it to help you stay slim.  I'm planning on it being my secret weapon in my quest to be popular ....

Anyway, I digress ... it's time now to share the itinerary - fresh off the Skyline events website .... I've added a little commentary of my own ...

 "Connecting two of the world's most chic capital cities the London to Paris bike ride is an
exciting charity cycle which any one can enjoy". ..well anyone prepared to put in 16 weeks quite hard training that is, and with the cash to invest in Sudocreme in the 10 litre bucket size 

Day 1: London to Calais
Our challenge begins bright and early from Crystal Palace heading south en route to the coast.  ...oh bright and early is like 6am after sleeping in a bunk in Crystal Palace that only a 6 stone teenager could find comfortable and if we miss the ferry then it becomes a biathlon 

Day 2: Calais to Abbeville
La belle France! Stunning picturesque countryside awaits us in northern France as we travel south. Fields and field of high pollen plants, but no animals, and zillions of tiny roads that provide limitless opportunities to get lost.  Poor old Abbeville was bombed almost completely to rubble during the second world war - but that does mean that the hotel we stay in will less than 60 years old which must be a plus surely

Day 3: Abbeville to Beauvais
Our route this morning follows the river Somme out of Abbeville. Beauvais is twinned with Maidstone in Kent, and they are around the same age, like really old innit.  Maidstone has two railway stations and Beauvais has one so Maidstone appears to be better off.  However, I imagine that trains do a) run and b) run on time to Beauvais, not sure that Maidstone is so lucky

Day 4: Beauvais to Paris
Our final day of cycling and the big push to Paris ,our final destination.  "The big push to Paris" I am scared to even ask what that is code for ... Beauvais is apparently 49 miles (79 kilometres) from Paris by motorway. Presumably not too much further by cycle way.  It is apparently tradition to lift your cycle above your head and have your picture taken with the Eiffel tower in the background ... then they make you ride your bike back out to the outskirts of Paris where the hotel is ... that bit isn't shown on the itinerary is it !!!


Day 5: Paris to London
The day is yours to soak up the Parisian way of life and explore the city. Eurostar home, arriving at St Pancras. Read lay face down in the carpet and wonder if your legs (and other bits) will ever be the same again!!!  I am guessing we will also be wondering where all the Parisians are as May is what they refer to as a Gruyere month.  This means that there are lots of public holidays that fall on either a Tuesday or a Thursday so it's a month of 4 times 4 day weekends and only one 5 day working week ... oh la la

Hi Ho the merry oh .. here we go .. "undulating"

 Tulip bought herself a "get out there and cycle in the country through lovely back roads and minimum time on the big roads BOOK", and already she's done a few rides from it.  In fact, she had already done the ride we did Sunday on the day before ... in the pouring rain, I might add. Suzanne declined the invite for the ride (filing her nails, washing her hair or a major leak in her bathroom that was flooding her kitchen ... can't quite remember which one). Tulip enlisted her friend Renata to accompany us - and she came on her mountain bike!!

We set off from Harpenden, with the intention of doing a "loop".  It was so refreshing to ride the country roads. I breathed in the fresh air and smiled at every little outcrop of daffodils that I saw.  It was lovely, and best of all Tulip was in charge of the map and directions, so Renata (who I later discovered has both no sense of orientation or recognition of landmarks) and I were just like biking in unencumbered bliss ... until the rain and hills (sorry undulations) that was!!! 

We struck one killer hill, which I suspect will be similar to the "killer hill" that past London to Paris cyclists have talked about getting out of  Calais ... all I can say (now that I can finally speak again) is that Renata will manage that on her mountain bike even if we don't !!!

The weather wasn't the great so we decided to press on to just beyond halfway, as the important psychological mind thingie, and stop at Streatley to have a break/lunch.  We stopped at "The Chequers" where the publican told us he was sorry but all tables were booked (Mothering day) but we could have a drink and maybe be able to order something later .. so we bought a drink went around the corner and started eating our refuel snack food. Then he came around and went off about this being poor form us eating in his hotel,  but of course forgetting his entire previous conversation with us that we could drink what we had paid for ... very bad form Mr Chequers of Streatley ...  very bad form indeed!!!  ...and if you can't cope with Mother's Day then don't do it ... and just go ahead and join the ranks of open misogynists ... perhaps

Anyway, the rest of the ride went ok .. in the drizzle .. the monotony only broken by farm after farm of watercress.. that really impressed Renata.  Me .. I was really impressed that Tulip did it 2 days back to back despite the lack of a decent cake in Harpenden. At the end of the ride we did the necessary top up on the best of the cake and sugar we could find ...

... and then back to London and I thought "oh nice to be back in the city" .. that is until the complete (almost homicidal) white van driver nearly took me out, scuppered a motorcyclist and two cars as he ran a very very red light at high speed. If the car drivers had not had such good reactions I would have been squashed between the car and the van!! Yes .. White Mercedes Van rego LYBD KWN - you know you who are!! Why you refused to look me in the eye when I banged on your passenger window just confirmed your guilt. Pretty soon you'll have family on the street on a bike that get hurt by a stupid white van driver .. see how you feel then you p ....

... so as not to end on a down note ... London and the Olympics .. and the Boris bikes are expanding all over the east end .. what fun this will all be ... are you coming ??

Cycling in Norway

Yes cycling in Norway! That is if cycling on a stationary exercycle in the "trim room" on board a ship in Norwegian waters counts as cycling in Norway.  If it does then I can also claim to have cycled inside the Arctic Circle, on the ship of course.  So what's this all about then I hear you ask (yes you did, I heard you).  Last week I went to Norway and got on board a Hurtigruten cruise/cargo/car/passenger/mail boat that sailed up the west coast of Norway, calling at all the little towns on the way. The Hurtigruten line has been around for over 100 years and really is the link to all the towns along the coast, with the locals using it like we would use the buses or the tube in London really. I have no idea who that man is or how he got into my picture!

We were "hunting the northern lights".  The solar activity was at its highest peak so far in the year and the chances of seeing them once we were inside the arctic circle were excellent, as long as it wasn't cloudy.  Yeah well, let's just say that the hunt goes on, just like the week of cloudy nights.

I kept myself amused on the ship and sort of on track with my London to Paris training programme by cycling each day in the trim room.  The bikes were orientated (and bolted to the floor) in an east/west direction, and had the oddest shaped seats I've ever seen on an exercycle, which made them rather difficult to get comfortable on I must say.

When the ship listed to starboard I had to hang onto the handlebars for dear life to stop myself falling off the back of the bike.  When it listed to port I had to push back on the handlebars for fear of going right over the top of them.  I thought how embarrassing that would be.  First I specialise in falling off Lara at zero kms per hour and then I get bounced over the handlebars of a stationary exercycle ... that would be too much.  All in all with the rocking and rolling it was a weird sensation riding the bike ... but I stuck at it (hero). Five days after getting back on land I still have the "wobbles" and I am sure my swaying/rolling/listing cycling is a major contributing factor. 

Other things that I learnt were not a good idea on a cruise:

• trying to sit on a swiss ball with your legs off the ground on a ship in motion
• getting between the walking stick wielding brigade and the buffet at any time
• leaving your cabin curtains open when you have a deck outside your window
• spreading your huge map out on the floor while trying to calculate just when you might cross into the arctic circle, unless of course you enjoy having walking sticks helpfully but forcefully placed on points on the maps seconds after your fingers were placed there
• deciding to try the "drink of the day" in the bar

... and then you find some things where you just don't expect to find them ...

I can't finish this post without telling you that we went on a night time Husky sled ride - again to improve our chances of seeing the Northern Lights.  We didn't see them but we did get to eat reindeer stew and discover that Huskies are prone to flatulence and sitting downwind of them is not for the faint hearted.

 

It was good to be back in London, where the only hazards are trucks, cars, taxis, buses, pedestrians, mothers pushing buggies, and the government.

Bike Porn

The other day we couldn't access our blog, the message said it had been removed for unauthorised activity.  I rang Suzanne and she was on the verge of admitting that it must have been her that did something "accidentally and potentially illegal" , when bingo it came back - a little technical hitch at Blogger. Speaking on which no doubt everyone is acquainted with Google's new privacy and data protection policy ... now there's an oxymoron for you!

A while ago I went to see a Top Gear Live show in London. One of the segments in the show is called "car porn". They roll out the best in super luxury sports cars.  At the beginning you think "who would spend that much money on a car like that, and where are you ever going to be able to drive it to get to even half of it's top speed anyway?"  Then you find yourself going "actually that's rather nice, I like that, I could see myself in that, I wonder how much they are second hand".  Well ... given that the same thing is starting to happen to me when I go into bike shops (Condor in particular) I thought it was time we had a little porn of our own.

So here we go ... "bike porn".

They all have names of course .. cool names like Squadra, Leggero and Terra-x and frame descriptions to make you go weak at the knees - for example "Dedacciai Custom Nero Forza Monocoque" and "EM2 triple-butted Scandium tubing".

 I have no idea what any of it means, but since when did that matter when what you are looking at is soooo sexy (ok I can hear you now shaking your heads and going "tsk tsk").  well .. they are sexy machines.

These "cute" little machines on the left however, are not sexy machines. At the risk of raising ire amongst their supporters, I have to say I've not noticed any particularly sexy folks riding these little numbers either. If you are really trendy you wear street clothes and ride a single speed or a "fixee" ... think pre and post WWII and modern day France. Anyway .. I know folding bikes are functional but frankly so are the 3 speed London tanks known as "Boris Bikes", which I continue to ride to and fro around town, to the supermarket, the train station etc. Like you imagine for one moment  I would leave Lara locked up somewhere for 8 hours plus out of my sight, next to dusty and greasy undesirables .. I don't think so!!


Here's one more piece of bike porn to leave your drooling ... and no I am not going to tell you what it said on the price tag.  Ladies never ask the price ... and gentlemen never tell ....

Oh I almost forgot. A heart felt thanks to all of you who saw the last blog post about my injuries and asked me ... "is Lara was ok?" - she really appreciated it!!!

Bleeding Lost ....

....well actually that should be "bleeding" and "lost" ...but I am getting ahead of myself.  The training plan for this week called for a 40 mile ride (that's 64 kms in really money).  Suzanne had this great idea to ride on the Grand Union canal towpath up to Watford to her friend Paul's house.  And I thought "yeah great idea".  The day dawned bright, sunny and warm, thus continuing to support my theory that winter has been restricted to two weeks this year and Spring has well and truly sprung.

We got on the Grand Union canal towpath in Brentford and set off at pace.  Well ... at pace for all of two minutes until we came to an unexpected and rather high humpback bridge with a 45 degree approach. Suzanne came to a sudden stop ... and I rear ended her. Down I went at zero kms an hour, still clipped in.  After ensuring that I hadn't scratched her precious PearlE she helped me up ... so she could check that I hadn't scratched Lara!!.

Back on the bike.  The surface and condition of the towpath was shall we say "variable" at best and we decided to get off and onto a road when it got really rough, for fear of getting a puncture. As we cruised up to an intersection and stopped, I uncleated my right foot and then proceeded to try and put my left foot down.  Result, down I went again at zero kilometres an hour, landing on the footpath on my elbow and bashing the back of my new helmet on the tarmac (thank goodness for my helmet). This one hurt a little more than the last one, but everything seemed intact so we got back on the towpath again.  We saw a railway station and I asked a man walking his dog which one it was and he said "West Drayton". I said "er umm Suzanne, that's on the way to Slough, is Slough anywhere near Watford?". "er umm No" she said. Then we spotted a sign that said "Slough arm of the Grand Union Canal".  Luckily we also spotted a waterside pub and Suzanne said "I need the loo" (see my earlier blog post re me being the one holding the bikes outside public loos in France on the ride).

I decided that I should check my elbow as it was a little sore and when I took my jacket off and bent my elbow blood squirted out at Suzanne who said "eeek it's split down to bone, we need to get you to the hospital, and you must keep it sterile" .. and then promptly shoved her much used looking tissue into it, before packing me off to the toilet to see how bad it was and to wash it.  When I got back she had got us a beer each, she said it was needed for the pain ... hers!

By now of course we knew that we were lost and wildly off course, so with the aid of the iPhone cycling app on my phone we worked out where we were and a general direction to get us to Watford by road. En route we had to carry our bikes through a closed road covered in mud, climb lots of hills, get lost several more times, and Suzanne got a bit terse (I of course remained the epitome of sweetness and light for the whole duration) but we did eventually get there, albeit about 4 hours later than planned. Luckily for me both Paul and his partner are trained in first aid and have a first aid cabinet the size of a walk in wardrobe.  He cleaned me up and put plastic stitches and bandages on my elbow and gave me a thing to wear to constrain movement to assist in the healing. Then he gave us the most delicious baked potatoes I have eaten in a very long time. His last act of generosity was to plot our route home ... on the tube!  I felt a little conspicious taking Lara on the tube through central London on a Saturday night, but I was so tired I quickly got over it.

When we set up the blog and I wrote about sharing our moments of pain along the way, I didn't realise that the pains would be mine!! Or, that I would rapidly become an expert in inflicting the most damage on myself by falling off at zero kms an hour ... no more please ...
        

Falling off a bike .. now that’s very Bard

Had a wonderful ride in Richmond Park today, trying to get used to cleats for the first time.  And for some reason, I came over ‘all Shakespeare’.. being Anglais and all … enjoy .. (perchance) ..

To cleat, or not to cleat, that is the question:

Whether ‘tis Nobler in the mind to suffer

The Ridicule and Mockery of non-cleated cycling,

Or to take feet against a road of potholes,

And by cleating them: to panic, to fall

And to fall, and possibly dent my bike and pride

The heart-ache, and the thousand pieces of tarmac

That would imbed in my flesh?  ‘Tis a consummation

Devoutly not to be wished.  But to cleat, to look fabulous,

To fabulously ride faster in my Dreams; Ay, that saddle ..now

There’s the rub…  

        (But that is another story for another day in the Park…)

What do cyclists eat then

Well you could be forgiven for thinking that they don't actually eat at all, given that you seem to have to go at least two sizes bigger in cycling clothing than you normally wear, and this includes the shoes as well!!!  They do eat, and as we are discovering, "it's food Jim but not as we know it".

We did a 30 mile ride (that's 48 kilometres in real money) yesterday and decided that we should really venture into the world of cycling nutrition. Cos as enjoyable as a pint of beer and packet of pork scratchings are, they are not really the recommended fuel for a long ride.

So we bought a selection of "protein and energy bars" that fit conveniently into the pocket of your cycling shirt, and decided on a taste test.  On the first bite of the yoghurt bar we decided that the best rating scale would be a 1 to 5 "blurk-ometer" ie a polite way of saying how likely they were to make you throw up. The higher the blurko-meter rating the higher the likelihood. Really only up to BB is actually edible in my book anyway.

• Cliff bar - B - it looks and tastes like an Anzac biscuit from my homeland

• Mule Bar - BB - it did taste a bit like strudel and didn't have too many raisins to stick in your teeth

• Promax diet - BB - technically a high protein bar for weight loss, chocolately with a slightly funny texture

• ZV9 protein recovery bar - BBBBB - disgusting, it was like trying to eat bubble gum and it even looked awful like the yoghurt coating had melted and then reconstituted. 

Oh .. and I have it on good authority from Pomme Anglais that the best pork scratchings come from Birmingham apparently ...

Is this an Eiffel Tower I see before me … or..?

Hello readers!  Firstly I have not been stewing in my own ‘pomme’ juices and forgetting about our wonderful blog, I started a new job this week so have been a little preoccupied. 

However, I have a little story I wanted to share with you all.  So, I hope you are sitting comfortably…?  Good, so I will begin..

I have spent this week being ‘induced’ .. well, going through the induction process with the new work.  I was with a group of disparate new hires and part of the course was the usual ‘tell us something interesting about yourself’ …

As the bike ride is so close to my heart I talked about this – the training programme, the new bike, the charity, my two Kiwi fruits that will be following me miles behind en route etc. etc. …

Over coffee we all ended up chatting about these new found interesting things about our colleagues and one of the guys – I shall call him ‘Pete’ to keep anonymity – shared with me that he too did the London to Paris charity ride a few years ago. 

I was so excited to meet someone that had done it and promptly started to ask him questions (how was it for him, did he stick to the training plan, what sort of bike did he have, did he use cleats or not, how was his bum (en route, not at the moment of course) … all of those ‘sad’ questions that have suddenly become so very important).  However Pete stopped me mid questioning and shared with me how it was for him.

Pete had cycled with his chums all the way to Dover, staying in some youth hostel where he told me there was a fight going on outside as they got there (but they were so tried it did not matter).  They crossed on the ferry in the morning and cycled (uphill) out of Calais.  He said the journey throughout France was great – pretty flat and interesting.  They entered into Paris on the final day and he and his friends cycled towards their final destination – the Eiffel Tower – with great great excitement.

He then said that the next memory he had was waking up in a French hospital.  Somehow along the final metres toward the Tour Eiffel he managed to fall off his bike and knock himself out.

He is now really envious about me doing the ride and wished me lots of luck. 

I guess the moral of the story is to keep pedalling – carefully – right to the end of the road.. I could not imagine doing 298.5 miles and falling on the last 0.5 mile, but talking to Pete, I now know this ‘could’ happen (especially if I do not get used to my cleats)!

    

Apparently falling off your bike is easier than falling off a log

Brian shared with me a couple of his mishaps which I thought I'd share .. cos you do don't you!. His opening line "I've lost count of the number of times I’ve fallen off bicycles for one reason or another" was really encouraging .... thanks Brian.  So here are a couple of Brian's stories. I enjoyed them lots.

The first time I can remember was racing down the footpath beside my house, trying to get to the local paper shop for the start of my paper round, shortly before 0730 one wintry morning.  As I hit the road, I discovered that it was a sheet of ice and I went right across the road on my side, ending up in the gutter. Got sacked by the paper shop for being late. ED note: under child labour laws you should never have been employed Brian! - let's sue in retrospect!!).

In Bolivia, I was cycling back to the main office from the transmitter hut (ED note: yeah as you do Brian! Bolivia like), having completed a task which involved the use of a soldering iron.  As the soldering iron was still hot, instead of putting it in my tool-bag, I wrapped the cable around the handlebars, allowing the hot end to dangle and cool down.  It wasn’t many yards before the soldering iron went between the spokes of the wheel and brought me to an abrupt stop.  Much to the amusement of the Quechua ladies on the market stalls.

 About 4 or 5 summers ago, (ED note: Brian this is England you can't really say "summer" and expect us to have images of sunshine and warmth now .. clearly that's winter 2011/2012, warmth wise).    

Anyway ...
 
I used to cycle to Reading and then take the train into Burnham and cycle the final mile to get to the office.  I had terrible trouble with recurrent punctures. The tyres which came with the bike seemed to be made of very soft rubber which offered little protection against sharp bits of flint on the country lanes.  I’ve had less trouble since changing to Continental 4 Seasons (ED note: excitedly .. I have these exact tyres). Anyway, got to Reading station to start my journey home.  Another puncture.  Patched it and put the tube back into the tyre, pumped if up and carried on.  Obviously, I hadn’t pumped it up enough because at a bend at the bottom of a hill, when I was going quite fast, wheee! Back wheel went out and I was sliding across the road on my side.  Gashed knee,  grazed elbow, torn shirt, mud over everything.  Yuk! Still five miles from home.

That’s just three out of many.

 I suppose it’s best to keep the shiny side up and the rubber side down.

Un Deux Trois… (Cat Sank…meow!)

OK OK .. it may be close to full moon but I can assure you Ms Pomme Anglaise has not gone totally looney tunes. 

Today I had a wee epiphany (if epiphanies can be small).  As my lovely Condor Italia RC (in beautiful Pearl E White) continued to give me a little grief in changing from (what I technically call) ‘little cog to big cog where the pedal thingies are at the front’ , I took her back to the shop to see if they could help.  The issue from my perspective was the movement I had to make with my left hand to shift the beautifully Italian crafted Campagnolo Veloce gear leaver to move from one cog to the other. .. in short, my little fingers did not seem to want to stretch the virtual 90 degree angle I needed to sweep the lever across to get to that big cog (and hence have the ability to speed off at those all-important traffic lights etc.).

So, off went ‘Pearl E’ to the mechanic and, very soon afterwards, Julian (my new best friend at Condor!) came back with an update for me.  As it transpires, the left hand lever did not have to be pushed the whole 90 degrees in one fell swoop, I could move to the big cog by clicking the lever not once, not twice, but three times in much smaller movements!  This was great news .. so I rode home this afternoon, with ‘un deux trois’ going through my head, the gears shifting easily, my little hands being happy that they are not being stretched to breaking point.  And hopefully the cat will not sink …   that’s all folks (well, for today anyway!)…

Shoes glorious shoes ... we're anxious to try them

Yes dear reader it is finally time to move to the next level of cycling ... real cycling shoes that clip you into the pedals. These let you pull as well as push and in theory should result in a 25 - 30% gain in power, efficiency, general well being, and, improve your chance of a lottery win!  This all hinges on it becoming second nature to be able to "unclip" your shoe from the peddle to be able to put your foot down on the road in both planned and unplanned stopping manoeuvres. 

It is very important that the shoes are equally as stylish as the rest of the cycling wear, so as not to wreck the overall "sad git" image we have been building to-date.  The choice of shoes for women was proving to be a tad disappointing as my search had so far turned up models in either white (will get dirty) or Barbie pink and blue (better suited to Paris Hilton day wear).  And then .... I found these.  Are these sexy shoes or what - the cycle shoes are the ones on the right of the picture.

Everyone has said that with cleats you will fall off sooner or later - great .. looking forward to that NOT. Apparently it even happens to very experienced cyclists.  In fact, a very experienced cyclist I know recently found herself upside down in a deep ditch on the side of a country road with the bike on top of her and both feet still cleated into the peddles. It took about 20 minutes to free herself as she lay in the ditch with her dogs staring down at her and not a car in sight. More on our adventures into the joys of learning to use the new shoes and cleats later.

Farcical … is that really a long bicycle ride ..?

Today, after a whole days rain with zero let up, I decided to get my lovingly loaned Munoura ‘Hypermag’ set-up in the lounge (thank you Uncle John for the loan!).  For those of you not acquainted with the joys of cycle training devices, the Hypermag ‘has been developed as the most silent indoor bicycle trainer in the world with adopting Minoura’s special technical knowledge for over 12 years such as thicker plastic material, alloy die-casting outer case and high-level machined unique full-circle magnet’ (yes, this is lifted straight from the poorly translated instruction manual from Japan). 

Choosing a day when my partner was away (as the only place to install said machine was in the lounge by the dining table – hence making the dining experience in the house with more than 2 of us a little intimate (unless you have a ‘thing’ about bicycle trainers)), I decided to install my old Trek mountain bike on the trainer so I had something to train on on days like today when the weather was really too bad to go ‘proper’ road cycling (ie. 10% possibility of rain upwards ..) and leaving my beautiful ‘Pearly E White’ Condor Italia for those fair weathered rides…

What looked like a simple installation turned out to be very challenging, to put it mildly.    Despite my Master’s Degree (OK OK in computing .. which proved to be useless when it came to cycle trainers) and a detailed diagram of how to assemble the trainer, the combination of the M6 bolt, Knob bolt, flat washer, hub clamping handle, load level adjusting dial, drive roller, flywheel, U-leg etc etc ..got me very perplexed.  I got to a stage where I was questioning if I had the thing turned around the right way to start with, whether it should actually be attached to the front wheel and not the back and whether it should actually be hung from the ceiling.  After a few hours of deliberation I did manage to work 80% of it out (without phoning my Uncle which was going to be the last resort as I can hear him chuckle now!) and installed the bike on the training machine.  By this time my partner had arrived home and I assured her that this was ‘the most silent indoor bicycle trainer in the world’ (blah blah from the manual) and she would not even notice it was there.  To reassure her I sat on the bike and proceeded to peddle and the noise .. well, it made my very old washing machine sound like the hum of butterflies wings.   I think the neighbours started banging on the wall ..  I then realised that the machine was not adjusted properly. 

Now I have sorted it out, although we cannot invite anyone around to eat at the table, all is well.. and the hot dinner plates, now on our laps at night in lieu of the table, have – as I said to my partner – actually helped save us on our heating bills.  Every cloud and all that ….. 

Let's start some training then ...

I'd finally downloaded the recommended 16 week training programme from the Skyline website. Using the calculator on my trusty iPhone, I subtracted the number of weeks from today until the ride and went into a mild panic .
There was nothing for it  ... I texted Gill (fellow Kiwifruit) to see if David (her hubby and also fellow kiwifruit) will take me for a serious spin around Richmond Park.  After all it's a cyclist training ground isn't it and I can pick up some tips by just watching them ..right!

Great plan right .. and the day dawned fine and sunny, as have most days in London since about 8 September 2011 (but who's counting, and btw there's nothing wrong with a genetic weather obsession anyway!!). So, we headed off on what was supposed to be a serious workout and it was!! The park was beautiful - covered in the first frost weve seen in London this winter, full of the free ranging deer.  And it was freezing!!!.  My feet were officially frozen part way into our first lap and I looked on with envy as the "real" cyclists went past me wearing scuba diving boot thingies over their shoes ... see comfort and warmth triumphs over style in the "sad git world" everytime.

Did I pick up any tips from observing other cyclists on the ride ... well perhaps if they had gone a little slower when they were overtaking me I might have had a chance, but for now ... no!.  oh except the cornering thing .. but I am not going to tell you that just yet!!

However, we did follow the training programme which recommended rehydration and eating as soon after your ride as you can. We went to a gastropub in Barnes called the Brown Dog. It's a very dog friendly pub that's well rated by the foodie mags.  As we were about to enter David said to me "I am hoping that we won't have a repeat of the projectile vomiting poodle incident we had last time" ...

and now we try and get insurance

Well, like any adventure into insurance land, we always knew this would be fun didn't we!!!  For starters you need a "U" lock that is saw proof, bomb proof and dog pee proof. Naturally, these locks are all tougher than the "immovable object" you must attach it and the bike to via the bike frame - even when indoors ...talk about trust the flatmates or the kids!!  I don't know if you've ever thought of this, but there's not much inside your apartment that qualifies as "immovable" in insurance terms" - suggestions anyone?

All this is of course necessary should any thief get through the Fort Knox approved locks that you naturally must have on every exterior door, especially with your "cost conscious" slum landlord in charge of that department. It's slowly dawning on me why Berbers, Laplanders and other nomadic types don't have bicycles ... well, that and the sand or snow I guess.

This U lock is an ABUS, as is the wheel loop, and they are from Germany, so clearly well designed and will do what it says on the label. The U lock has an electronic lock thingie that glows blue in the dark.

I am sure that will come in handy when we are lost in a forest somewhere on a long ride and need to lock the girls up ...  not that a tree qualifies as an "immovable object" in insurance terms you know!

and now we save our head and our hands

Believe it or not, wearing a helmet while riding a bicycle is NOT compulsory in the UK!!!  Most sensible cyclists (ie the ones in "sad git" fluro gear) do wear helmets ... and gloves.  This one has been pimped up with a bit of attitude - which is why it will have to be replaced soon with something that looks aerodynamic and protects your head.  While of course not making you look like someone who has a very funny shaped head and even funnier hair sticking out at odd angles from underneath it.

Truly sometimes you take your helmet off and wonder who the person with the weird hairdo is that's passing in the shop window, with those with the funny iPhone enabled gloves on.

and more ....

Now that your bike is looking good you have to start thinking about how you look on it and your comfort on that small squitty seat - yes padded undies time!

Remember you've not actually been on the road yet so your chances on being spotted by a "Britains Got Talent" (oxymoron) scout are still alive and kicking, as long as you look the part.
No really ... it quickly becomes apparent that you can't ride around in "trackies and a tee" for various health and safety reasons.  So you give in and start slowly (but picking up pace quickly) converting into the "looking like a sad git in cycling gear" genre cos, cos, well really for your own good & peace of mind

    ... and yes the Sudocrem is part of the deal apparently....